Mile Marker

It's six months now that I've been living and working in Spain. I finally feel semi-assimilated, entitled to opinions about this culture, this language, these people, this nation. I finally feel that my observations are even somewhat valid.

I haven't recorded many of my observations here for fear that they would turn out to be mistaken. What I can and will record, however, are observations of myself.

At 4 months in I was still missing a lot of insignificant pieces of my American life--conveniences mostly, like a clothes dryer, or food, like Mom's baked beans or Justin's tacos. At 5 months I was knocked cold by the language barrier and the sheer discouragement that accompanies attempts of communication. Always I miss my family and my friends and wish I could unite these two worlds.

At 6 months I feel much more capable. I find myself surprisingly adjusted. No dryer, no problem. Food cravings have shifted...I know that if I cross town I can find peanut butter, and I have nearly forgotten the smell of barbeque; I know now that when I do return states-side I will, in fact, miss champinones a la plancha and patatas bravas. I have accepted that the grocery store shuts down at 2 and again at 8 and will not open on Sunday. I have come to terms with carrying those groceries across town and taking the bus every day. I hang my clothes outside without a second thought, and I am used to living with people who do not speak my language. I have come to understand the easy-does-it time schedule that the Spanish live by and although I cannot slow down my own walking pace or allow myself to linger, I don't mind it so much now when everyone is tardy...to class, to appointments, to meetings, to everything. I have realized exactly how gigantic a complainer I really am and am at least working to whine less.

Often now things simply are what they are. If the bus is stuck in traffic, worrying will not get it to move faster. This small tidbit of advice is so easy to give and accept but is so difficult to put into practice, especially for a natural worrier like me. Still, I am calmer, more confident that every problem has a solution. In fact, now travel is even more exciting because if we're on the wrong bus we are simply exploring! Along these same lines I am trying to learn to be less frustrated with myself, less harsh with my own self-criticism.

These changes, in my mind, are monumental. I continue to enjoy learning about and trying to better myself.

My language capacity has grown and I understand and speak much more Spanish. It has been 6 months and I feel I have learned so little, but in all reality I have learned more in these 6 months than I ever would have if I had studied in the states and so I believe I have made great progress. We have been learning unconventionally, studying in the few hours we have free of work, and overall I am embarrassed to speak because I know my skills are laughable. Pero bueno, poco a poco, si?

While I do believe the Spanish have their fair share of negative characteristics (sexism, spitting, and a crude habit of staring at foreigners are just a few from my long list), they are an amazing people deserving of their immense pride, and I continue to be impressed by their land and their lives. I enjoy taking part in and learning about this small portion of the world.

Homesickness effects me still, literal nausea that hits hard and fast. Missing special events is particularly difficult--Britney's wedding, Justin and Kerry's birthdays, the announcement of Jamie's pregnancy--I regret missing these moments. I feel that I have become anonymous, invisible to the world at times in an out-of-sight-out-of-mind manner, especially as the realization of my great insignificance grows. I constantly wish I could join these two lives of mine as to not be forgotten, as to prevent the neglect of those I love.

Still, I am truly enjoying myself here and am eager to continue learning. I am content with my journey.